Don't compare yourself with others
(Your competition is with
yourself)
Comparing
ourselves with others creates a fake sense of being, and curbs our uniqueness
and individuality. There are numerous other reasons why a constant comparison
with others is a bad idea.
"Comparison is the
thief of joy" Theodore Roosevelt
Comparing ourselves with others comes naturally to a lot of us. It is a trait
that we develop early on in our lives. Remember how our teachers used to
portray the head boy/girl as the role model for all of us. We were expected to
be like them. Even at home, comparisons with siblings were inevitable. The
burden of expectations always bordered upon how you fared with the best
performer of the team. And in case, you were the best performer, the
comparison with others only created an impression of strength and superiority.
The fact that many of us indulge in comparing our life, social
status, appearance, wealth, etc., with others, is symptomatic of a
deep-rooted desire to be accepted by others.
When we put ourselves against others, we measure our strengths and weaknesses
with them. The reason comparisons don't work out is because no
two people are
similar. While one might be good at making money, another might be
good at making
friends. The point we are trying to drive home here, is that comparison
between two
individuals, who may appear to be equal due to the roles they play in
their family or
society, only creates the feeling of frustration, self-pity, low
self-worth, and envy.
There are other reasons why comparison with others should be avoided
at all costs.
Why Comparing Ourselves with Others is Futile?
Comparison
creates dependency on others
When we indulge in comparison, the way we think about ourselves becomes
dependent upon how we perceive others around us. If we are doing better than A,
we get an emotional boost, but as soon as we know about B's affluence, we pity
ourselves for not being able to achieve much in life. Comparisons with
others only create a fake sense of being, and we find ourselves trying to keep
up with others at all costs.
Comparison pushes us to be 'at par' with others.
Comparing ourselves with others takes away our individuality. It forces
us to do things that we ideally don't want to do. When we engage in the
game of comparison, it becomes difficult for us to think pragmatically. We
are blinded by the expectations of being 'at par' with our competitors. The
urge of having the same set of luxuries that others can afford, engulfs us,
curbing our real qualities. We endlessly compare ourselves to our neighbors
and relatives, and base our decisions on gaining a positive perception from
them.
Comparison causes
envy and jealousy
Comparison is one of the major reasons for creating envy and jealousy among
people. For example, it often happens that the moment we come to know that a
peer or a relative has bought a new car, a feeling of envy masked by
condescension overpowers us. Instead of being happy for them, we criticize
their decision, and make up our mind that they have given in to imprudence, and
are doomed to fail. We start making assumptions about how could they possibly
afford it, convincing ourselves at the same time that they will soon be under
debts. In reality, the perception that the friend will now get more respect and
approval from others, pesters us from inside and creates a sense of being
less-worthy from him. We constantly battle against ourselves, and look for
ways to beat him in this perceived competition.
Comparison limits our
potential
When we compare ourselves with others, we subconsciously place limits on
what we can possibly achieve. It results in the creation of a mental block,
which prevents us from giving our 100%. For example, if X holds the university
record of running a mile in 4 minutes, Y's entire focus will be on doing i t
under 4 minutes. By comparing himself with X, Y places a limitation on himself.
If Y just competes against himself, and develops his skills over a period of
time, he will be able to give his best shot, without constantly focusing on X's
record. The important thing to remember is that we shouldn't base our targets
on what others are able to achieve. We don't know their strengths and
weaknesses thoroughly, but we do know ours, so it is prudent to make the best
use of that.
How to Stop Comparing Yourself to
Others?
Be yourself.
The first thing to do to stay away from the mire of comparisons is to love
yourself for who you are. You may think that you are not perfect, but that
is what makes us humans different from each other. As Oscar Wilde famously put
it, "To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance." Accepting
yourself with all your flaws is pertinent if you really want to experience
inner peace and calmness. Being content with what you have doesn't mean
that you stay in a cocoon, and shy away from taking any steps to improve your
skills. What it means is that you set realistic targets for yourself, and
work towards achieving them.
Realize that constant comparison is
a bad habit
The problem with constant comparison is that it is ingrained in us from a
pretty young age, and therefore, we indulge in comparisons subconsciously.
Ask a group of people whether they compare themselves to others, you will not
get too many affirmations. When we do something far too often, without knowing
its repercussions, we fail to see it as a vice. Therefore, to extricate
ourselves from the web of unnecessary comparisons, we need to be aware of what
we are doing. Any time you feel that you are trying to measure up to somebody,
engage in self-talk, and convince yourself that this whole idea can be noxious
for you. Constantly look out for such behavior, and dissociate your mind from
such feelings. Over a period of time, you will see that the urge to always
compare yourself with others has gone down.
Appreciate the efforts of your
peers
Try
to appreciate the people you always compare yourself with. Criticizing them
behind their backs may make you feel good for some time, but if you look at
it pragmatically, you end up achieving nothing out of it. Instead, you
can bring about a positive change in your attitude by commending the virtues of
your friends, colleagues, and relatives.
Many of us view life as a competition, where you always have to fight to
survive, but we should keep in mind that life is also a journey of finding
our inner-self, and discovering the true potential that is inherently present
in all of us. Once we focus on our individual journey, all comparisons with
others cease to exist.
Sarve
Bhavantu Sukhinah,
Sarve Santu Niraamayaa
Sarve Bhadraani Pashyantu, Maa kascchid Dukh bhaagbhavet
May all become happy, may all be free from disease; May there be nothing
but auspiciousness in everyone's lives; May no one undergo pain or suffering.
Note: Prof.Swaminathan
Valady from Bangalore , always shares
the good things he come across, with his friends -the above post was one of
them..
